


On Werewolves and Bisexuality

by Knightfrog1248



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Asexual!Peter Pettigrew, Bisexual Character, Bisexual!Remus Lupin, Gay!Sirius Black, Hogwarts, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Original Character(s) referenced, Straight!James Potter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-21
Updated: 2014-11-21
Packaged: 2018-02-26 12:12:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2651651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Knightfrog1248/pseuds/Knightfrog1248
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which the long-suffering Remus painstakingly explains to James what bisexuality is as they go down to the lake to tease the giant squid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On Werewolves and Bisexuality

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Best Analogy for Bisexuals I've Ever Heard](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/84209) by stagdogwolfandrat.tumblr.com. 



> _First proper(ish) fic. Critiques welcome. Enjoy!_
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> _Seriously though, any issues with anything, tell me and I'll fix 'em._  
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One warm evening late in the school year after James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew had finished their exams but Remus Lupin still had one to go, the quartet were heading out to the lake for an after dinner round of Tease-the-Giant-Squid.

 

“James,” Remus sighed, “just… am I, strictly speaking, human?”

 

James looked nervously from Remus to Sirius, who was making barking sounds and laughing.

 

“Er…”

 

“I’m a werewolf.” Remus said quietly, mindful of the other students exiting the Great Hall.

 

“Right” said James, looking relieved.

 

“I’m not…” Remus paused, glancing anxiously at a first year student of indiscriminate gender who was staring up at him in unabashed wonder. The wonderment may have been due to the fact that his potions set was floating along in front of him, magical flame and all. They scurried off after Sirius snarled playfully at them. “Even when I’m in human form, I am still a werewolf, and when I have the appearance of a wolf, I am not wolf.”

 

“I get that,” said James loudly as they stepped outside. “I _get_ that! What does that have to do with bi-sexuality?”

 

Remus winced- he could practically _hear_ the hyphen. “Because when I used to go out with Esmerelda Clearwater, you thought I was straight, and when you caught me snogging Sirius you said I’d ‘turned gay’!”

 

A choking sound came from behind them. “What?” sputtered Peter, aghast. “You… and _Sirius?_ But…”

 

Sirius spun around and walked backwards in order to grin and show off his teeth, Remus craned his neck over his shoulder and looked generally stern and uncomfortable, while James half turned and cocked an eyebrow as if to say _wasn’t it obvious?_

 

“That piece of gossip’s at least a week old, do try and keep up, Wormtail!” Sirius said happily, while leaning on Remus as obnoxiously as possible and giving him a very sloppy kiss where his jaw met his neck, turning his back on Peter once again.

 

“Just surprised he’d go for you, is all” Peter muttered, staring at the back of Sirius’s head.

 

“It’s not like I _care_ whether you’re gay or not” continued James in his overloud voice, “I mean, Merlin was gay! Why do you keep saying you’re not?”

 

“Because” drawled Sirius, “he could still get off to Lily Evans, but I couldn’t.”

 

“Oi! Watch what you say about Evans!” James exclaimed. “And anyway, aren’t you gay if you’re with a bloke? And you _are_ a bloke, I mean.”

 

“You sure you haven’t taken one too many Bludgers to the head, Horney? You really are a bit dim at times.” Sirius looked at his friend with mock concern.

 

Remus turned to Sirius and looked like he was about to argue, but then thought better of it.

 

“Ah, come on Mooney, you know I’m right!”

 

Remus gave his head a little shake and turned back to James. “Why do you understand that I’m a… what I am, better than you can understand a sexual orientation?” he asked James. “Do you understand, Pete?” he turned around to look at Peter, dislodging Sirius from his shoulder.

 

Peter glanced between the three of them rapidly before answering.”Yeah, you’re bisexual. You can experience sexual attraction to anyone, right?”

 

“Exactly!” cried Remus in relief. A few students looked over, wondering what that was about. “I can still-“

 

“-get a hard-on if you look too long at Evans!” Sirius finished.

 

Remus rolled his eyes.

 

James glared at Sirius, but there was no real malice. “All right”, he said eventually. “I suppose I get it. But doesn’t that mean you’d also want a girl?”

 

Remus looked up at the sky, as though the perfect thing to say to get his friend to understand what he meant was written there in big letters. “Why” he asked eventually, “would I want a girl _as well_? I _already have_ a boyfriend”- Sirius stifled a gasp- “so why”- Remus glanced over at Sirius and noted the small smile playing around his mouth- “would I want some other person as well?” Remus grinned back and nodded.

 

James was quiet for a moment.

 

“Come on, Prongs!” Peter supplied, “If you had Evans, would you want anyone else? Even Gytha Vane?”

 

Peter looked curiously at James. He had been going on _for months_ about his old girlfriend. It had been Gytha and her teeth, Gytha and her boobs, Gytha and her cooking… “What’s so surprising about Banana Soup Surprise, anyway?”

 

“Well, it has banana in it for one thing” James said, glancing at Peter and smiling slightly with a far-away look in his eyes. “But, no.” he continued slowly, “I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else”. James was quiet for a moment. “So it’s like… I mean, if you.” he paused “You only _want_ to be with one person at a time… and… if they are a bloke or a girl… it doesn’t matter?”

 

Remus sighed again, this time in relief. He actually liked genderqueer and non binary people as well, but he wasn’t sure how James would take the news that some people were neither guys nor girls. “Yes! It’s that simple! Bisexuality is…” he hesitated; usually he liked describing it as ‘two or more genders’, but one had to tread carefully around James sometimes. “Bisexuality is when a person can be sexually attracted to the same and different genders, like how you can be attracted to more than one girl, but you only want to be with one. Forget genders, think of everyone as just _people_ and I’m not very different from you.”

 

They reached the edge of the lake and gathered under a large elm tree.

 

“Huh. I’ve never thought of it like that before.” James said musingly.

 

Sirius rolled his eyes and snorted. “‘Course you haven’t. But come on, Mooney! D’ya reckon the potion’s done?”

 

As Remus lowered the cauldron, Peter scurried between Remus and James in order to gather around the it with the others. Remus poked at it cautiously with his wand, and it let out a wisp of greenish steam and a smell rather like that of kelpie dung that had been left to air in a room full of rotting fish.

 

“Pfaw, whiffs bit, dunnit!” Sirius pointed out happily, waving a hand in front of his face and taking a step back.

 

Remus glared at him balefully. “I know” he deadpanned. Sirius grinned back cheekily. “It’s supposed to smell like that.”

 

“What, like kelpie dung that’s been left to air in a room full of rotting fish?” James asked. “Even _I_ can smell it!”

 

“That means it’s working, and it’s ready.” Remus said impatiently. “I can’t have any of it, of course, but you should be fine.”

 

James looked at it uncertainly for a moment, then he glanced around and spotted Lily Evans, who was sitting on the shore of the lake reading a book. He conjured a glass, dipped it into the potion and shouted “Hey Evans!” before drinking it down in one swallow and taking a shallow dive into the water, not even bothering to check to see if she was watching. He was followed swiftly by Sirius. The effect was somewhat ruined because they had transformed into largish pink and yellow squids before they hit the water, their robes half tearing off them. They immediately began flailing, extracting themselves from the remainder of their clothes and getting used to the extra limbs again. Lily rolled her eyes and pretended to get back to her book, although she surreptitiously watched the brightly coloured squids and kept an eye out for the local one.

 

“You didn’t want to go this time?” Remus asked Peter.

 

“Nah” he replied succinctly.

 

“You seemed to understand quite quickly” Remus began tentatively as he sat down at the base of a tree. With a flick of his wand, the potions set was sent back to his dormitory.

 

“Yeah, well.” Peter stretched out beside him and stared out at the sky through the leaves of the tree. “I had to do some research myself.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“I’m asexual. Not sexually attracted to any gender, you know.”

 

Remus grinned. “We’re a queer bunch, you know.”

 

“I thought I was the ace punner around here” Peter said mournfully.

 

They shared a quiet chuckle while looking out across the lake, watching their friends whizz in circles around the giant squid, and breathing the warm summer air. Content.

 


End file.
